Each new season I enter in life I find myself wondering where did my friends go. I question myself am I not a good friend that I keep loosing people? What exactly am I doing wrong? I am the type of person that will try fixing the problem just so I can have my friends in my life. But a lot of the relationships were just not meant to be. It doesn’t mean either of us are bad human beings. I did find it a hard reality to grasp though.
When I became a Christian in 2010 a lot of my friends disappeared. They didn’t want to be associated with someone who left Islam. That really hurt my feelings, but I was fortunate enough to meet new people who supported my new way of life. I do however have two precious friends who are still in my life today and I’m convinced if I shaved my head and called myself Zaza they would still love me. For the next 6 years I had a whirlwind of new friendships. Some are still thriving relationships today, some have become a passing hello and some have disappeared.
Getting married and having a baby caused more of my friends to disappear. I guess new responsibilities made me super busy and I couldn’t be a present friend like I use to be. I think I only realised my friends were disappearing when I tried to reach out and they were busy with their lives. I didn’t know their schedules anymore or their new relationships. At first it hurt but then I understood that I can’t have it all. I needed to be a present friend. Some people just need that and it doesn’t make them bad people.
Spending a lot of time at home I had to actively try to get to know new people. I love meeting new people but I am pretty shy. I don’t always know where to start the conversation but I love encountering a new person. I love how different people sound and how much purpose a person carries. I decided to reach out to people who are in my age group, who aren’t just parents but just great people. I’m so glad that I was brave enough to reach out because for the last 18 months I’ve met some lovely women. And I hope to carry them into each new season of my life. All relationships need both parties to participate and be willing to be part of all the seasons that come along in life. It’s ok to let some people go if they don’t want to follow through into every stage. I’m grateful that I understand it now.