Asking for help is a very hard thing for me to do. Its so silly because from a young age we are taught to ask for help if we want to better ourselves. I don’t know when it became a bad thing in my mind. Before entering motherhood I was able to do everything by myself, the housework, wife stuff and working a full time job. I would feel run down but, then I’d get over it. I’m also very blessed to have an attentive husband who helps without me having to ask. But its not a bad thing if I ask my husband for help. So why the mental struggle? I have been actively trying to fight the urge to do everything by my self and actually ask for help. I’m so much happier for actively getting help with my motherhood journey. After becoming a mother I was under the impression that I could do everything by myself and if not then people would help me without asking. The truth is people are not mind readers. I knew they all had good intentions but unless I asked they wouldn’t know what kind of help I needed.
My problem of asking for help comes from the false notion that if I can’t do it by myself I’ve failed. To me it didn’t make sense how I could be at home all day with a baby but get nothing done. I thought while being at home I’d be able to do lots of creative projects, designs, start a business and all that good stuff. But I couldn’t do any of it. I started to think that I was inefficient with my time, disorganised or maybe even lazy. But the truth is that being a mother is hard work. Emphasis on work because it requires physical labour. I was lucky if I could brush my hair some days. Feeds, cuddles, nappy changes and laundry was on repeat for a good 6 months after my baby was born. I was absolutely knackered. I was so stubborn in my mind I didn’t want to ask for help but I yearned for someone to offer it. Just for a quiet baby free shower or to enjoy my coffee warm.
The mental exhaustion had finally caught up. I was getting upset over little things and it was affecting my mood. I began to ask my family and friends to help. They were so happy to do so. They started off just watching her for a couple of hours so I could sort myself out or do some housework. I started to feel rested so I could function better as a wife and mother. I ask all new mothers to not be stubborn or afraid to ask for help. Nobody on the planet is prepared for motherhood no matter how many fancy qualifications or books they may have read. Be kind to yourself and for the sake of your wellbeing ask for help.